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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?